If it's meant to be...

I wish that someone would have told me about my first heartbreak. That even when the light shines sometimes it's impossible to put yourself back together completely. It's like a chain reaction that pulls you down slow. Taking you under and all you wanna do is get high so you can breath again. I can't afford to be careless and let you in. I've held onto the possibility of what we couldve been, what we should've been for some time. But its useless. But I swear through every heartbreak I lived I just wonder if the high was worth the pain. Sometimes fate brings two lovers together only to rip them apart. So, maybe we weren't meant to last a lifetime. Maybe somewhere deep down we knew our love was only meant to last a season. 

Xoxo

Promises...

I've cried for much to long. I guess I should have known that promises were always meant to be broken. Like some kind of un. spoken rule. But I held onto the hope that maybe just maybe some promises could be kept if they were worth keeping. I thought I was worth keeping. But I became a woman unkept. So I guess, promises kissed from sweet bitter lips are like secrets that dance in the wind. Hard to hold onto. And I know now, that it's not easy loving regardless of what love songs tell you. So, I'll just ease myself down and listen to the blues that...I should have known better. Not everything is as sweet as milk and honey. And Sometimes we are left to taste the bitterness that has lingered from pinky promises whispered in the wind. 


Xoxo 

I Should Have Told You More...

My heart hurts...
What else can I say?
Except, the truth that I'm in pain.
Deep down to the tips of my souls,
on my feet to the last inch of each strand of hair
I bleed.
For you.
For no one else but you.
What am I suppose to do?
I sit and sway rehashing every incident I wish I could take back.
Every moment that didn't turn out the way it was suppose to.
Every I love you I whispered under my breath instead of yelled from the mountaintops.
I want to take back the bad times that didn't allow us to grow.
Every minute of every day that I spent mad at you,
I should have loved you more...
not more just deeper.
I should have loved you deeper.
Not deeper.
Just...I should have just told you more.
That I loved you.
That no one else could love you the way that I do.
Because I do.
Love you.
Like a woman is suppose to  love her man.
But I didn't tell you.
I should have told you.
But instead I walked away.
And shut the door.
And made you second-guess everything that shouldn't have taken a second thought.
I should have told you
I  love you.
So maybe then you would believe me
when I told you we are meant to be together.
Rocking and swaying while our kids and grandkids play in a life that we built...together.
Like we had planned so long ago
when we were so in love with the idea of being in love.
I should have told you.

xoxo

Falling In Love, Again...

I want to fall in love
with you all over again.
Want to turn back the hands of time
to the exact seconds before our eyes met for the first time
just so I can feel the butterflies.
Somewhere along the way,
I forgot what the fluttering feels like.
Forgot how God took away my breath
so all my other senses could focus
when you walked into my personal space.
I almost forgot what it felt like to wonder
if my heart would ever miss that beat it skipped.
I want to fall in love again.
I want to wonder what it would be like to hold
your hand for the first time as mine became masked inside yours.
Want to know how the taste
of our lips intertwined
could make me stumble with drunkenness.
I want to fall, in love...
again.
With you.
With no one else but you.
I want to fall.
In love.
Because somewhere along the way
I fell out.

Fly...

You'll never fly if you're too afraid to jump...
so I jumped.
And landed flat on my face
but, for a little while I was free.
If only for a moment,
I was able to spread my arms,
close my eyes,
and have faith that at that second
I was exactly where I needed to be.


xoxo

The In-Between...

I've been told to take it at face value.
That what he said is what he meant.
And men don't come with grey lines.
But the girl in me
want's to take what you've said
and think about the possibility
of the in-between.
Because black and white has to make grey 
at some point, right?
We were together for too long,
wrapped up for too long
for there not to be any grey
in between the sheets
where we once laid
intertwined.

xoxo

I Will...

I will stumble....
                and fall....
                       but don't give up on me.
                                    I'm still learning to love.